5 Singleness Lessons God Has Been Teaching Me- And why they matter
Today, I’m opening up about something deeply personal, my singleness journey. Honestly, I hesitated to talk about this because I’m a pretty private person, but God’s been nudging me to share, and I truly believe someone out there needs this message.
A Little Backstory
I've been single since 2021 when God told me to step away from dating and focus on Him. What followed was one of the most profound seasons of my life. Out of that time came my debut novel, Since When Did Single Mean Sad. It’s a raw, God-inspired book that walks through what that first year of intentional singleness looked like.
But after the book launched in 2022, I hit a surprising wall. People started treating my singleness like it was a thing of the past, and honestly, I felt like a fraud. The truth? I was still very much single—and still very much learning.
The Third Kind of Expert
On YouTube, we often see two types of “experts”: the academically trained and the ones who’ve overcome a situation. The academically trained experts are the ones who everyone expects to write books. They are nutritionists who write cookbooks and doctors who write healing books.
Then there are those experts who have come out of a situation, and they reach back with advice to inspire their fellow peers. They have usually come out of the situation many times or have been out for a long time.
When I wrote Since When did Single Mead Sad, I wasn’t either. But God showed me something beautiful: there's a third kind of expert—the one who simply shares what God is teaching them, in real-time. That’s me.
Since When Did Single Mean Sad is basically a conversation between me and God, page by page. I often say He wrote it, not me.
(And hey—if you haven’t read it yet, it’s 10% off with the code YOUTUBEUSER.)
The Truth About Singleness
Being single is fun for the first few months. However, after it has been years, the awkward questions, the double dates you’re not invited to, and the feeling of being left behind usually come.
In my years of singleness, I have discovered that singleness isn’t one-size-fits-all. It has stages. Which is actually the theme of my second debut novel.
Right now, I’m the most content I’ve ever been. Three years ago, I wouldn't have believed that I’d be okay not being in a relationship—but I am. And it's because God has been showing me the true purpose of singleness: to glorify Him.
Purpose Before Person
God is amazing in that he often does things in an order. Nothing is random in his world. If you go back to Genesis, you see God’s perfect order with Adam and Eve. Adam was working in his field long before God brought Eve. His purpose came before his partner. That’s the order God often follows purpose first, person second.
Many of us get it twisted—we ask God for our future spouse without understanding what we’re being called to build first. A Kingdom marriage is two people running full-speed toward their God-given purpose, and then—bam!—they collide.
Thankfully, God won’t always give us what we ask for. He is patient in that he will withhold anything from us that will destroy us. So, if you are still single it is possible that God is working in you to make sure that the gift he gives you in a relationship won’t destroy you.
What I’ve Learned About Dating
Whew, this part was hard to admit.
I used to hide the people I dated from my family and friends. I thought I was protecting my heart, but in reality, I was just isolating myself from wisdom. And isolation breeds confusion. If you’re dating someone who can’t meet your community, that's a red flag, not a secret.
I invited God into every area of my life—except dating. I’d pray about jobs, outfits, sermons—but not relationships. And I wondered why I kept attracting guys who weren’t on the same page as me spiritually. God had to lovingly convict me: you can’t expect God results without God involvement.
I discussed this in depth, in this post.
Waiting With Joy, Not Shame
Lastly, God has been teaching me how to wait well. In the past, I’ve misread signs and thought guys were “the one” when they weren’t. This time, I’m staying grounded, praying daily, and trusting His timing. These have helped me to not get wrapped up in waiting for someone who isn’t God’s best for me. Settling is no longer on the table. Adopting this mindset has brought me immense joy.
5 Things Getting Me Through Singleness
If you’re in a similar season, here are five things that may help you to thrive:
1. Community
Friendship teaches you patience, conflict resolution, and how to not be codependent in future relationships. However, building a community is difficult and takes time so I dedicated a whole chapter to this in my book.
2. Reading My Bible
As someone with ADHD, I found traditional Bible reading hard. But the First 5 App changed the game. The app has Bite-sized devotionals, deep dives, and a beautiful breakdown of tough books like Leviticus. You only need five minutes a day to grow your relationship with God and there is an amazing community of women on there who will validate your struggles and pray for you.
3. Prayer
I created a prayer board with envelopes for every life category—friends, career, love—and track answered prayers. Every night before bed I will write down my new prayers and choose which ones to say. It's my real-life War Room moment. I get so proud too when I look back and see how God has answered a prayer of mine.
4. Finding Hobbies
We adults need a third place outside of home and work. Join a class, play a sport, start a YouTube channel (like I did!). Hobbies keep your mind engaged and your joy alive. I was actually inspired the other day by a youtuber who rejoined ballet at 45 years old.
5. Journaling
Journaling has been my therapy. It’s where I untangle my thoughts and connect with God. I recently digitized my whole journal collection—so let me know if you want a video on that process!
Final Thought + Moment of Inspiration ✨
Shame Has No Home Here
I’m reading Healing the Soul of a Woman by Joyce Meyer, and Chapter 8 rocked me. It talks about releasing shame and walking in repentance—not perfection. There’s a difference between being ashamed of what you’ve done and being ashamed of who you are. When we confuse the two, we can struggle with self-worth problems.
You are not your past. You are who God says you are (which is dearly beloved, chosen, and a child of the King).
If you’re single and feeling unseen or discouraged, I just want you to know: God sees you. He is with you, and you are exactly where you need to be.
A Prayer for You 💬
Dear Lord, thank you for whoever is reading this. For their heart, their questions, and their desire to walk in your will. Show them their purpose. Surround them with love. And remind them daily that You are never late. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Thanks so much for reading. Don’t forget to grab your copy of Since When Did Single Mean Sad while it’s still 10% off. And if this blessed you, share it with someone who might need it too.
Until next time—
Love you to the moon and back.
And don’t forget to share Jesus with someone today. 💛
Gabrielle Denise, Author Gabrielle Denise, Since When did Single Mean Sad, The In my 20’s diaries, christianity, christian relationships, singleness, single, how to be single, christian single, christian single women, christian singleness tips, christian singles, singleness journey, singleness.