Should you wait until Marriage?- A christian perspective on Sex and purity
There are some experiences in life that change you forever, and not always in the way culture promises they will. One of the hardest things I’ve ever walked through was the fallout of sexual sin. I grew up in a conservative environment, and when I went away to college, I fell into sin in this area. At the time, it felt exciting, freeing, and normal. But what followed radically altered my life in ways I never expected.
So today, I want to share some lessons I learned about sex, purity, and God’s design , not from a place of judgment, but from lived experience. My hope is that you don’t have to walk through some of the same pain I did.
And if you already have? There is so much redemption available to you.
The Deception Around Sex and “Freedom”
There is a lot of deception surrounding sex in our culture.
Historically, there were seasons when women were extremely restricted and punished for showing parts of their bodies (this was very common in the Victorian Era especially). Over time, women rightly fought for their rights, including the right to vote and to be seen as full human beings.
But somewhere along the way, freedom became confused with sexual availability.
As culture shifted away from Victorian ideals, modern feminism began promoting the idea that sexual liberation meant sleeping with whoever you want, whenever you want. That idea has been passed down to our generation almost unquestioned.
The problem? What we call “freedom” often turns into bondage.
We’re told that sleeping around is empowering, but no one talks about the hidden emotional, spiritual, and physical consequences that follow.
1. “I Won’t Catch Feelings” — The Lie I Believed
I used to tell myself the same thing I hear so many women say now:
“I can sleep with whoever I want and not catch feelings.”
I truly believed that.
But biology and the soul don’t work that way.
When you have sex with someone, your body releases bonding hormones. Whether you want to or not, attachment forms. Moving on isn’t as simple as culture makes it sound.
And once sex enters a relationship, it changes it forever.
Someone once told me that men have two brains and once you activate the physical one, it’s hard for them to see you the same way again. That idea stuck with me because I saw it play out in real life. Friendships shifted. Dynamics changed. Things were never “just the same” again.
2. Stress No One Warns You About
No matter how careful you are, sex outside of marriage often comes with constant anxiety:
What if I’m pregnant?
What if something went wrong?
What if my body changes?
I once heard a quote that said:
“The only 100% effective contraception is abstinence.”
And it’s true.
I’ve heard countless stories of people who used protection and still ended up pregnant. I’ve also watched many women come forward and talk about how hormonal birth control wreaked havoc on their bodies by causing weight gain, bloating, mood changes, and long-term side effects.
Some women took Plan B multiple times, only to struggle with fertility later when they actually wanted children.
All of this to override a design God intentionally created when He said, “Be fruitful and multiply.”
3. Soul Ties and the Weight You Carry
One of the deepest consequences of sex outside marriage is soul ties.
God designed sex to bond two people emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually within the safety of marriage. That covenant brings covering and protection.
But even outside marriage, bonding still happens.
I didn’t realize how deeply I was affected until later. During the season when I was fornicating, I experienced some of the worst anxiety and depression of my life. Only after walking in abstinence for several years did I feel peace I didn’t even know I was missing.
Even after my first time, I was emotionally tied to that person for years. When they entered a new relationship, I wanted to be happy for them , but I couldn’t stay friends. In my mind, I still felt a sense of ownership that was never meant to exist.
Soul ties are real. And breaking them is a long, deep healing process , one I never want to repeat.
The Good News: Redemption Is Real
Here’s the part I don’t ever want you to miss:
Even if you mess up you can be redeemed.
The Bible says that when we confess our sins and repent, God removes them as far as the east is from the west (Psalms 103:12). He does not hold them against us.
You can choose purity after failure.
I like to call myself “born-again virgin,” and I say that with confidence, not shame. God restores what we surrender.
“What If We’re Not Compatible?”
One of the biggest fears people have about waiting until marriage is sexual compatibility.
But from my experience, intimacy is built far more on communication than experience. Two people can be physically skilled, but without communication, intimacy suffers.
Marriage is a starting point not a finish line. You have a lifetime to grow, learn, and explore with one person. What an honor that is.
A Final Prayer
Lord, thank You for every person reading this.
You know where they are in their journey with purity and faith.
I pray that You would bring clarity, healing, and hope.
Help them turn to Your Word in a world full of confusing messages.
And for anyone who doesn’t know You yet, draw them closer.
Surround them with godly community and walk with them daily.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
If this resonated with you, I’d love for you to check out my book Since When Did Single Mean Sad , a 30-day guided journal on finding joy, purpose, and contentment in a season you didn’t choose. It covers purity, abstinence, community, and dating the Christian way.
For more detailed information on this topic, check out the YouTube video where I share about “My First time” and the life-changing experience that changed my view on sex forever.
Christian PURITY ADVICE I wish I knew in my 20's 😖
I love you to the moon and back and I’ll see you soon 💛
-Gabrielle Denise